


for purposes of improper speculation

by whoopace_kosi



Category: Dear Evan Hansen - Pasek & Paul/Levenson
Genre: Bottom Connor, Crack Fic, Hamilton References, Hickeys, If You Squint - Freeform, M/M, Underage I guess, awkward asexual writes awkward exchanges, cuz they're 17, excuse me but Connor and Alana would totally be like best friends, first work on here, i talk a lot of shit for someone who cant write, i'm off to a great start, no editing we die like men, no heidi im sorry, of course this is the first thing I post on here, these tags are a mess
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-04-15
Updated: 2018-04-15
Packaged: 2019-04-23 11:54:57
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Underage
Chapters: 1
Words: 952
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14331939
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/whoopace_kosi/pseuds/whoopace_kosi
Summary: Connor Murphy walked into school Monday with a hickey flaming across his neck, and the whole school fell mute.or, Connor gets a hickey and everyone reacts way more than reasonable.or, somebody come get they mans Evan he wildin'.This sucks tbh.





	for purposes of improper speculation

Connor Murphy walked into school Monday with a hickey flaming across his neck, and the whole school fell mute. Of course, Connor barely noticed this, head down, eyes furrowed, and probably planning his latest escape to go smoke or something. Ten lockers down, Evan Hansen's face turned an interesting shade of red, but that could be accredited to his awkwardness toward literally any situation that could even possibly lead to something inappropriate.  
Jared Kleinman, one of the only people who had perfected the art of pissing off Connor Murphy, without getting murdered, sauntered towards the taller boy and slung an amiable hand around his shoulders. "Connor! How're you, how's life, how's your sister? Hey, did you notice you have a hickey the size of New Jersey on your neck? How'd that happen? Sucking dick for meth again?"  
Connor's face flamed hot red, and he shoved Kleinman away, muttering, "Shut up, Kleinman."  
He stormed away, hiking his hoodie up, leaving Jared in the hallway, staring at Connor's back, smirking. Evan Hansen buried his head in his locker.

* * *

  
“Did you see Connor Murphy today? He walked into school with a hickey the size of my fist!” A freshman whispered, holding up her curled hand to show how properly Connor’s neck had been ravaged.  
“No way. Who would make out with him?” Her friend laughed. “I mean, he’s hot if you get past the ‘total psycho’ thing.”  
Evan held his tongue behind him, making his way through the steady stream of underclassmen to the parking lot where Connor was waiting, band-aid shoved haphazardly over the large bruise, which did jack shit against the hickey the size of an index card.  
A part of Evan deflated to see that Connor had covered his mark. Then he decided he was stupid for thinking so when obviously it’s hadn’t exactly done wonders for Connor’s image. Not that there was really much to ruin about Connor’s reputation.

* * *

  
Zoe stuck her head into Connor’s room. “Connor, did you steal my-augh!” She slapped a hand over her face.  
“Zoe!” Evan yelped as he shoved Connor off of his lap and onto the floor.  
Zoe let loose some hysterical laughter. Connor, cheeks burning said loudly, “God, can’t you ever knock?!”  
“Connor, y-you don’t have a door,” Evan bleated nervously.  
“I’m going, I’m going!” Zoe all but ran away from the door, grin stuck on, face inflamed.

* * *

  
Unfortunately for Connor, the real challenge occurred when he got home. He’d been able to delay his parents finding out in the morning because he’s grabbed an apple and ran out the door while Zoe had distracted them. He didn’t exactly know what the relationship between them was, but Zoe didn’t hate him anymore which was… good.  
“Connor, did you get in another fight?”  
Connor scowled at Cynthia, even though she had more than the right to wonder. “No.”  
“So what’s this?” Cynthia pressed lightly against the band-aid that didn’t completely cover Evan’s mark, just hid the worst, really, but red still flared out into the open.  
“... Nothing.”  
“Connor.”  
“Nothing, ok? I just tripped,” Connor said waspishly.  
Cynthia said, “Tripped and landed on your neck?”  
“... Yes.”  
Just then, because Connor’s karma had excellent timing, Larry Murphy wandered in, no doubt to ask about dinner or some other outdated, 1940s-white-male practice that literally nobody did anymore, saw Connor hunched over the table like a slob, and asked, “What’s going on here?”  
“Larry, look at this,” Cynthia waved him over and Connor cursed the Heavens that Zoe had band practice and wasn’t here to run interference.  
Larry asked, “How’d you get that?”  
“He says he tripped,” Cynthia tattled.  
“I did trip! Honestly!” Connor lied.  
“Tripped and landed on your _neck_?”  
“Connor.” Larry used his No-Nonsense voice. “What did you do?”  
Cynthia pried the band-aid off while Connor clung to his flimsy lie. “Oh my god.”  
Larry peered at Connor’s neck, then turned an interesting shade of purple.  
He knew how it looked; reddish-purple with bite marks that makeup did negative nothing to hide. Throughout the day he could still feel it if he pressed it, riding a knife’s edge between pain and pleasure.  
“Connor…” Cynthia broke the awkward silence, “...is that a… hickey?”  
“... No?”

* * *

  
“So, Acorn, you gonna tell us how it went down?” Jared’s voice rang through the cafeteria, wrenching the conversation away from the best types of weather to (hypothetically, Connor!) die in.  
“H-how what went down?” Evan asked.  
Jared fixed him with a flat look. “Evan, I can see the bite marks on Hot Topic’s neck and he looks like someone actually didn’t shit his bed for the first time ever.”  
Connor raised his head from where he’d rested it when he lost the argument. “You can fuck off now, Jared,” He said, pointedly _not_ looking at Evan.

* * *

  
Alana didn’t meet Connor’s eyes, or Evan’s, for a solid half-hour before she gave up pretending that she was above all things Unholy and Impure. Out of everybody, she actually had the most chill reaction, rolling her eyes and redirecting the conversation whenever Jared teased Evan while Zoe refused to hear a word about it forever until she could figure out some way to turn it into suitable blackmail material.  
After GSA, when Connor was repainting his nails black in his room, his phone buzzed and Alana’s name showed, previewing the text she sent.

  
**Alana** : Good job, Connor. Get it.  
**Alana** : If you show this to anyone I am Coming For You.

Connor snorted and tossed his phone to Evan, across the room, working on his History assignment, something about Alexander Hamilton. “Check out what Alana sent.”  
Evan blushed, reading the text. “I-I, uh-”  
“Hey,” Connor interrupted, “no talking, tree boy, use that mouth for other reasons.”

**Author's Note:**

> This is a mess lmao


End file.
